The below is fictional. It is not a true story. Just for your entertainment.
Setting – Cola Coca Park, 3:00pm
Larry – “OK, you guys know the deal right?”
Crunchy Pork Rind – “The deal? We run to win right?”
Dig Dug Dog – “Sure is hot out today…”
Red Eyed Gravy – “Why do I get the heaviest costume?”
Larry – “Yeah, you know… you do know how this works right?”
(Blank looks from the other three)
Larry – “Dig Dug Dog will win the race today. No exceptions! Understand?!”
Crunchy Pork Rind – (under his breath) “We’ll see about that….”
Larry – “Guys! This needs to happen this way! It’s scripted!”
Red Eyed Gravy – “What, like the pro wrestling?”
Larry – “Do you want to do this or not?”
All 3 in unison – “Yes, Larry…”
*** Larry leaves the room***
Crunchy Pork Rind – “Man, I really want to win this”
Red Eyed Gravy – “I’d be happy not to pass out”
Dig Dug Dog – “Yeah man, Crunchy.. you’re going to win”
Crunchy Pork Rind – “You guys sure?”
Red Eyed Gravy – “It’s cool man, we’re just having fun. What does it matter who wins?”
***The race is run and Crunchy Pork Rind comes in first***
Larry – “OK! What happened!!! I thought it was clear that Dig Dug Dog was going to win!”
(uncomfortable silence)
Dig Dug Dog – “Hey, it’s ok if I didn’t win… it was all in fun. The crowd cheered, the kids loved it!”
Larry – “IT’S NOT OK!!! IT WAS SCRIPTED FOR DIG DU…. ok ok… we just won’t include it in the final standings, that’s all. The race will not count!”
Crunchy Pork Rind – “There are standings?”
Red Eyed Gravy – “Standings that matter?”
Dig Dug Dog – “Really? This is taken THIS seriously?”
Crunchy Pork Rind – “I guess so….”
Again, this is not true. I just made it up…. Enjoy!