The below is fictional. It is not a true story. Just for your entertainment.
Setting – Cola Coca Park, 3:00pm
Larry – “OK, you guys know the deal right?”
Crunchy Pork Rind – “The deal? We run to win right?”
Dig Dug Dog – “Sure is hot out today…”
Red Eyed Gravy – “Why do I get the heaviest costume?”
Larry – “Yeah, you know… you do know how this works right?”
(Blank looks from the other three)
Larry – “Dig Dug Dog will win the race today. No exceptions! Understand?!”
Crunchy Pork Rind – (under his breath) “We’ll see about that….”
Larry – “Guys! This needs to happen this way! It’s scripted!”
Red Eyed Gravy – “What, like the pro wrestling?”
Larry – “Do you want to do this or not?”
All 3 in unison – “Yes, Larry…”
*** Larry leaves the room***
Crunchy Pork Rind – “Man, I really want to win this”
Red Eyed Gravy – “I’d be happy not to pass out”
Dig Dug Dog – “Yeah man, Crunchy.. you’re going to win”
Crunchy Pork Rind – “You guys sure?”
Red Eyed Gravy – “It’s cool man, we’re just having fun. What does it matter who wins?”
***The race is run and Crunchy Pork Rind comes in first***
Larry – “OK! What happened!!! I thought it was clear that Dig Dug Dog was going to win!”
(uncomfortable silence)
Dig Dug Dog – “Hey, it’s ok if I didn’t win… it was all in fun. The crowd cheered, the kids loved it!”
Larry – “IT’S NOT OK!!! IT WAS SCRIPTED FOR DIG DU…. ok ok… we just won’t include it in the final standings, that’s all. The race will not count!”
Crunchy Pork Rind – “There are standings?”
Red Eyed Gravy – “Standings that matter?”
Dig Dug Dog – “Really? This is taken THIS seriously?”
Crunchy Pork Rind – “I guess so….”
Again, this is not true. I just made it up…. Enjoy!
noisenation.mlblogs.com 
Oh, great. Now the mascots think they’re the 1918 White Sox.
The races are scripted? How can that be? All this time I thought Pork Rind and Dig Dug were cheating.
I must say, I completely never understood why the Pork Race needs to be fixed? … I will be a sport and assume there is a good reason which revolves around the children. So, Whatever.
Just glad I am not the one who is expected to lose all the time…
hmm, if a racer loses because another racer pushied him to the ground, what lesson does that teach? I would say it teaches that cheating is ok.
Two years ago I saw a race where the Veggie Tales characters (Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber) interferred with Hambone and he lost (nothing new) . I would think that Hackman’s, who sponsored activities and supplied Bob and Larry, would have been appalled, I guess not as I saw the characters up in the Bud Light trough later. Bob was getting stewed and Larry was already pickled.
Great episode of an ok cartoon. The family goes to a minor league baseball game and the son becomes a mascot racer.. worth a watch 🙂
http://www.fox.com/bobsburgers/full-episodes/
Watch the “Torpedo Jones” episode
I suppose I could have a field day with Indoctrination of Children-type stuff, but all the incessant Media Hype of the great Hope and Change these past few years has left me utterly exhausted so I must pass!
🙂
Look, who cares if the pork race is scripted, as long as it’s funny. Don’t think of it as a race, more “As The Pork Turns.”
Tune in next time to see what evil act diggity will commit. Find out if Hambone will win a race. What if a player gets into one of the suits? How will the theme night impact the race? It’s all just for fun–a nice diversion if you will. Don’t like it? Getting old? Ehh, good time to get a cold beverage then.
Now, once they start posting betting lines for the race down at the Sands, well, then I’ll start to get worried. Also, I’ll pay more attention so that I can win some money. A man can’t live on Aldi’s coupons alone…